Feedback on 1st Edit of Video

Here is a Email from my Dad on his Feedback on the first edit of the video

Screen Shot 2013-05-22 at 10.42.28



here is a larger more readable version of the text



”Hi Chief, my 4th watch now….haha….really like it…I’m getting into the ‘feel’ of it…it certainly needs more than one watch to get the gist of what we are saying.. and the narration is not that bad even though one feels self conscious on the first listen..Hahaha…Yes definitely needs more than one watch. I can imagine this short film on Channel 4 between the news and the evening programmes. It’d work. It makes me wonder if I was aneutral watching this would wonder ” what next for these two now”?.
 Anyhow, as a reminder to ya.
 Remember to take out ” they’d totally be destroyed” from the dialogue as it would definitely sound and run better without it.. Also, you could change the date of the hospital drawing to Aug 1996 and maybe make the title at the bottom a little bit bigger. What d’ya think?
    Pity that my voice does not have more dynamics to it and that I wasn’t too slow in the way I speak but I suppose that adds to the authenticity of the piece.
     I like the way you’ve Skip to Kenilworth and then back to Betws for the final bit….but it’s such a pity we haven’t got any new Kenilworth shots; but like you say maybe they can go into a later book project. However, the fact that you have based your assignment, if not your 3 years, on how my illness effected our lives is a powerful statement in itself , it shows that 17 years later the experience is still very raw and at the for front of just is. Dx”
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